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From Bert: With a Little Help From my Hand

Hi, Everyone.

Goodness me! Until today, anyone would think I had dropped off the planet, I have sent so few tweets this week! Well, the truth is, when I am at home, at work, busy and happy, I have not that much to tweet about, my life becomes pleasantly humdrum, and I do not like to bore people.

This has been rather a nice week, in which I have been working myself back into my usual place, getting everything back how I like it, and of course, doing the exercises I was given, so that the last of the wonkiness and weakness goes away.

A couple of sad things happened. Firstly, I heard about the departure of my best friend Hinky for the States. I had a phone call from a completely broken-hearted Tealy who, it seems, had been unceremoniously dumped. I am really sorry to say goodbye to Hinky, I will miss him, he was a lot of fun to be around, and he was a good friend to me, especially while I was in hospital. I really hope he is happy in the States.

The second thing is, Neville, Brian's broadcasting computer, got taken very poorly, which meant no Down for Double, which meant I did not get to see L. I have to say, this did not make me a happy lep. I tried my best to mend it, but this one was beyond my skills.

You may be thinking, he is a lep! Why does he not snap his fingers, or say, "abracadabra!" and pow! it is fixed, or a new computer just appears?

Well, the answer is, I am a lep, not a wizard. this is the real world, not Harry Potter! Giggling here. Anyway, they did not have computers, broken or otherwise, in Harry Potter. Well, the muggles had them but oh never mind, where was I?

Ah yes, um, things. What I can and cannot do. WE do not use the M word for some reason, everyone is really reticent about it, we just usually say things, or the helping hand, whatever. And here is the thing. WE cannot do it for ourselves. That is part of the lep code. Some of the things we do and say are just lep traddition, you might say, like not using the M word, I do not know why we do that. But this thing is serious lep code stuff. I learned it at Shana-sherin. The helping hand is just that, to be used to help the person I work with, or their friends or family. So, I could use it to get to L's when I was helping with the Lair, and if she had needed me to help her with it in any way, I could have. But as for using it to get out of the way of that oncoming car? Nope. Even if I had had time to, which I did not, unless I wanted serious trouble, I could not have done it.

But, you may be thinking, you, Bert, my long-winded friend, could have used the helping hand to fix Brian's computer! He is your boss! Well yes, I could, if it would work like that, but the helping hand only can do so much. Ok, if you want Neville lifted up into the air, sure I can use it! How high do you want me to lift it? Where shall I drop it? Giggling! Where shall I put all the pieces it breaks into! Giggling even more! See? I can do simple things. Lift things, move things, move myself about, I can do the apparate thing, and I do not need to remember the three Dees, desperation, deterioration and detonation probably if a human tried that! But I cannot conjure things that were never meant to be out of thin air, I cannot fix what is broken, I do wish I could! What I have is just a simple little thing, when it is called the helping hand, it is well named, because that is exactly what it is.

I was glad to have it this week, I can tell you. My just-mended arm is still weak, and I am finding that picking heavy things up still hurts me. So, I used a little help to pick up things like food from the oven, and heavy pans from the hob, and it all worked beautifully. Molly what's her face would have been proud of me, she would! There I was on Sunday, a plump sizzling chicken just out of the oven, hovering towards the kitchen counter, and a tray of crispy roast potatoes following behind it. The thing is, you must not get distracted, or the whole lot will hit the floor. I was guiding them down, when I saw the sprouts were ready, so I thought, I will grab them too, while I am at it. Up they came, as sweet as a daisy, and headed for the sink.

At which point, the kitchen door opened, and Brian came wandering in to ask me something. I turned my head to warn him to watch out, turned back, just in time to see the whole lot heading gracefully for the floor! Yikes in a box, as L would say! Luckily, the hand was still holding everything, so it was making a slow descent, but going down it was! I managed to get it all back in the air again, and got it to where it needed to be, but poor Brian as near as darn it got the boiling sprouts on his head! Using that much help takes it out of you. I was exhausted for hours after that and could not enjoy my dinner very much. Ah well. Never mind.

Talking of dinner, I had better stop boring all your ears off, and go and see about ours. It is lamb steaks with mint sauce, new potatoes and peas today. I will write more soon. Thanks for reading, and I hope you all have a great week.

Big smiles from Bert.

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